Supporting someone going through a difficult time mentally can be daunting. As a society we sometimes avoid having difficult conversations in relation to mental health. It can be hard to ask someone if they’re okay, purely for the fact that we don’t know what to say to help if they say they’re not. I do think this is improving though, especially with the focus on mental health growing all the time.
This post is really relevant to me at the moment. Supporting others through difficult times and being there for them sounds so simple, but I actually think people avoid it at times without realising. It’s scary to try to find the right things to say to someone who is in such a vulnerable state. But you don’t have to be trained or have extensive knowledge in mental health to be able to support someone.
Being there for those around me is actually the most important thing in my life. Whether that’s making them laugh, offering advice, listening to them and showing as much as I can that I’m there if they need me. But sometimes I get this wrong, as most of us do.
We often over-think situations, so when someone comes with a problem, usually our initial reaction is to try to help fix it. But a lot of things can’t just be fixed easily, and sometimes we’re not even the person who should be doing the fixing.
Personally, it’s taken me a long time to show the people around me that I need help at times. The majority of the time I know that whatever the issue is, there isn’t a quick and easy solution. I also know that usually the only person to be able to improve the issue is myself, with support from others, and sometimes this takes a long time.
Those that know me will know I can be extremely stubborn. So if someone gives me advice, I do struggle to take it on board at times. That doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate it or think that what they’re saying is wrong. But I’m one of those people who has to find those answers on my own and it has to come from within me (or I have to feel like I was the one who got there by myself).
One of the most powerful things in life I think is the ability to be supportive to others, regardless of what’s happening in your own life. It can be one of the most amazing feelings and so rewarding, but also can come as a hindrance to your own well-being. I’ve spent a very long time focusing on anyone but myself, and recently I’ve started to slowly consider myself more in situations.
Being there for people gives me a huge amount of purpose in life, it makes me feel like I’m giving something back and helps me to see I am capable of something. This at the moment is so important to me because I haven’t got loads of other things really to focus on, mainly due to my current situation with my own mental health.
In the past I’ve done everything I possibly can to ignore my own issues, and I used taking on others issues as a way to avoid facing my problems. But now that I’ve started to allow myself to focus on myself, I actually feel I can give even more to others, perhaps in ways I couldn’t before.
I’m learning the limits I can give to others, but also realising that it’s not all about saving that person. Something I’ve always been keen to do. I know that actually in my darkest of times I didn’t want someone telling me a million things to do to make me feel better. I just wanted someone to listen, and really hear what I was saying. To read in between the lines and to show compassion.
Everyone experiences different issues and the way in which we deal with things are different. Sometimes having someone to take your mind off things is all you want, other times you need someone to listen. It’s difficult to gauge how someone is really feeling, and although we often feel like we can, we can’t read minds. But that’s okay.
It’s okay to not have the answers. It’s okay to not know what to say to someone. It’s easy to try to avoid difficult conversations because people feel ill-equipped to help. But actually the simplest action of even sitting with someone in those dark times, sending them a message, or even a small gesture can go such a long way.
Our natural instinct is to problem solve, and I’m definitely guilty of this myself. If someone comes to me with an issue, I want to help to solve it. I often dish out advice like it’s confetti, and although this can be helpful at times, at others it’s not. I know so well that when you’re in a dark place, it’s so hard to rationalise, it’s hard to retain information and even harder to put any advice into action.
So listening and just being there for someone can be one of the most powerful things. Having the knowledge that someone wants to be there for you, and is giving you the space and time to express how you feel can help so much.
Our lives are often so busy that it can be really easy to miss that someone you know is struggling. This is also okay, it happens to all of us. But once you have recognised this, offering support of some kind can really help. Finding the balance to ensure that it doesn’t have a detrimental effect on your own mental health is equally as important as I spoke about earlier.
There are quite a few people close to me that are going through extremely difficult times at the moment, and I honestly feel so honoured that they’ve opened up to me. But I can’t fix their problems, and I now know that. But what I can do is listen and be there. That in itself I know means a lot to both myself and them.
So I just want to end by saying thank you to all those that have been there for me and continue to do so. And please always remember that I am here for you all, anyone reading this, anytime.
Look after yourselves and those around you, and remember the smallest gesture can make a world of difference.
Lauren Talks 