Finding happiness in life can be the simplest but also the most difficult thing to find. Some people can find happiness quickly, and others may feel like they’re forever chasing it. I often feel like the latter.
I have a really good life, it’s not what I wish it could be at times, but equally I have a lot more than others. But by over analysing I often struggle to identify when something truly makes me happy. I question a lot of my emotions, and find that I can see the more negative ones clearer. But the emotions of happiness I find more difficult to realise.
I have incredible friends and an amazing family, and I’m truly grateful for this. But when asked what actually makes me happy, I struggle to give an answer except for the people I have. I don’t think this is bad, but when I think deeper into this I really can’t explain other things that make me happy.
Recently I went on a 5 day cycling trip in the Netherlands with my Dad. For the first time in a very long time, I can identify that this trip really did make me happy. It was the most physically challenging thing I’ve ever done, and planning it all was completely out of my comfort zone (I hate planning and making decisions). But I came back and couldn’t wait to tell everyone about it. I haven’t felt like this for ages.
Spending all day cycling through the countryside gave me the time to stop my mind and just enjoy what’s around me. My head is usually going at 100mph and I struggle to relax, but on this trip I took in my surroundings and although the challenge in itself was difficult, it was honestly incredible.
I was also able to spend this time with my Dad, and although there were times where I could have really lost my head with him (especially when he got us lost), sharing this experience with him made it even more amazing. We laughed so much and it really made me appreciate the importance of my family.
So when I came home, although I was physically exhausted, I felt that spark in me that has been missing for a very long time. This trip made me really think about where I want to be and look deeper into what actually makes me happy.
Everyone has different things that make them happy, and sometimes people spend their lives chasing this but never actually finding it. We often focus on the huge things that we think will make us happy for example buying a house, getting married and having children. And of course those are all amazing things that will bring happiness, but by focusing on those massive things, we lose sight of the smaller things that make us happy.
I know that I will always have problems with my emotions, my mental health diagnoses aren’t going away and my life may not be what I imagined it to be in the past. But I do know that my life can be filled with smaller things that make me happy, and I am the only one who can accept them and appreciate them.
I’ve always been so fixated on the bigger things in life, that I’ve lost sight of what actually makes me happy. So I intend to keep doing things that make me happy. In my mind, my happiness should always come behind those around me. But I’m now learning that I can do what I enjoy, and also make those around me happy too.
I no longer want to chase happiness, instead I want to just allow it to be there, and to recognise when I am feeling happy. This doesn’t mean that I believe that’s how I’ll always feel. Having such unstable emotions means that I will often jump from one emotion to the other. But if I can recognise and focus on the positive emotions, I think this will help me to build upon them.
I need to reduce how much I question the happy emotions I feel, and accept that I am allowed to feel those too. I’m far too quick to dismiss anything that makes me happy, mainly because I doubt whether I’m worthy of feeling that at all. Unfortunately that’s how my mind works, but I know it isn’t healthy, and I should embrace everything that makes me smile. And I want to make sure that’s a priority in my life.
Happiness differs for all of us, but always try to do what makes YOU happy. We only have this opportunity, so let’s make the most of it!
Lauren Talks 