For years if anyone suggested group therapy, I would shut the idea straight down and say, “I don’t do groups”.
I attended my first ever group therapy a few years ago and it lasted for 8 weeks. I reluctantly went, but the sessions that I did actually attend I wasn’t emotionally there. I shut myself completely down and didn’t allow myself to take anything in. In my mind I was technically attending so that would be enough.
My attitude towards group therapy was so negative for years prior and this continued after attending. I can look back and realise that I possibly wasn’t in the right place at that time to put anything into it. But I can also now see that my insistent refusal to engage prevented me from gaining something positive from it.
By attending the group with this attitude just confirmed my original thoughts that group therapy is not for me. Even when I was in an inpatient mental health unit, I still fought against the staff’s recommendations to try it. I avoided it at all costs in a way to protect myself, but actually this came as a hindrance.
I’m in a position to now see that I reverted back to how I was when I was younger, refusing to try anything different because of fear and anxiety. I spent a long time trying to fight against my mental health issues and tried to get on in life without addressing the problems I was experiencing. So sitting in a room with other people talking about how I feel completely freaked me out, and I thought I couldn’t do it.
I always felt that I could only have 1:1 sessions, because then I wasn’t opening myself up to a lot of people and I felt more in control. I still have sessions with my mental health team on my own and in some aspects it’s what I need. But I’ve now been able to see that group therapy gives me a different way of working through things.
I started a group therapy around 7 weeks ago and I’m now seeing the benefits from it. In the first few weeks I reverted back to the stubborn attitude I’ve always had about groups. The difference this time though is that I’ve gradually began to let my guard down. I’ve actually listened to others in the group and I’ve started to share parts of myself.
I’m not the type of person to over share within a group and I don’t think that will ever change, but that’s okay. Everyone in the group has different personalities, but we’re all there for the same reason, to improve our lives. There isn’t a focus on each of our diagnoses, it’s more about how we manage our emotions. By sharing our own ways of coping we’re learning from each other and it helps to have that feeling that we’re all here together on this journey.
Group dynamics will always differ and some weeks are harder than others, for all of us. But dragging myself out of bed on those days, even if every part of me is telling me not to go, allows me to learn more about myself and I can see the benefits after.
For the majority of people, groups are extremely daunting and the anxiety of even considering attending can be overwhelming. Then you have to tackle the feelings of actually walking through that door and sitting with strangers, but it’s helped me in ways I never thought possible.
I had to come completely out of my comfort zone and go against my thoughts and feelings towards groups, but by doing so I’ve already learnt a lot about myself. I also get a strong sense that I’m not alone whilst I’m there.
It takes a lot of courage to go to a group, and it is a huge deal. Believe me it is. There’s times when I’ve not wanted to talk in a session and that’s okay. We all have days where it’s harder than others. But by going, even if you feel like you’re not getting anything from it, you probably are.
So my main aim of this post is to really stress that group therapy can be so positive. If you’re like I was and completely set against it, give it another thought. I look back and wish I could have engaged more over the past years, but I’m so glad I gave it a go recently. It’s given me the confidence that I can cope with being involved in a group, and it’s allowed me to actually make steps towards doing the things I’ve wanted to do in my life.
I’ve spent quite a lot of time feeling like I’m just stagnating, but by going to the group I’ve been setting goals and increasing them each week. It’s given me a kick in the right direction.
For some it may not be the right group, or even the right time, but you never know until you try. I now strongly believe that you’ll get what you need out of the group if you allow yourself to give to the group.
I spent years convinced it wasn’t for me, but I didn’t really have much to base that on, except that daunting feeling that group therapy gave me. I can now see though that everyone in the group is in the same position in regards to anxiety towards it. It takes a lot for us all to come in each week, but we do because we know that in the long run it’s helpful.
I know I’ve gained more than I ever thought I could already and I’ll continue this the more I give to the group.
The fear and anxiety you have when starting a group can be overwhelming, but it’s a common reaction felt by most people. So I urge you if you have the opportunity then take it. Like I said previously it may not be for you, but you never know.
We can’t progress unless we push ourselves.
Lauren Talks 