Sometimes I just need you to listen

We live in a society of fixers. If there’s a problem we try our hardest to fix it, but in mental health this cannot always be achieved.

For myself, my issues cannot be solved quickly, and I have to accept that some may never be fixed no matter how hard I try. But sometimes I don’t want or need them to be fixed. My issues run deeper than I even know at times, and I don’t know how to make things better.

I fully appreciate others advice, but sometimes I just want someone to listen. To not suggest ways to sort things out. Sometimes I need the time to process what’s going on, and I have to get to a point where I’m able to start using that advice. Sometimes my mindset cannot possibly take on anymore, and the advice given I can’t handle or cope with. I then find myself frustrated at myself for not being able to manage it.

There are times where I feel like I’m screaming out to people that I feel like things are really shit (I also want to state that I am a difficult person to read and this is difficult for those around me to know what approach to take). But I just need someone to acknowledge that things suck. To listen to me rant, to hear how it makes me feel, and to just listen. I don’t need you to come up with solutions because at that point I don’t have the capacity to even deal with it.

I spend a lot of my time feeling misunderstood, lonely and scared for my future. I’ve found it extremely difficult recently to see everyone around me moving forward in various aspects of their lives, whilst I’m left feeling stagnant. In all honesty, I never thought I’d be in the place I am right now in life. And it is not something I feel comfortable with, it upsets me and I struggle to find hope that things could be like everyone else.

Sometimes all I want is what all my friends or family have, other times I don’t want any of it. My brain contradicts itself multiple times a day.  All I do know though is that I want to find happiness. I have no idea what happiness really means to me but I strive to find it constantly.

Like I said I have some real deep rooted issues that only therapy, medication and time can help to manage this. I have a lot of amazing people in my life, but I know that a lot of them aren’t able to understand how I feel and how I think. I don’t blame a single one of them for this. My mental health is extremely complex and the majority of times I don’t even know where I stand.

I understand that it’s human nature to try and give advice, I’m guilty of it myself. And I honestly do really appreciate it that people have spent and carry on spending their time trying to help me. I’ll forever be grateful for this.

But more recently I’ve been able to vocalise that sometimes I just want someone to listen. Because sometimes words aren’t needed and advice isn’t needed. Listening and acknowledging what I’m saying is all I want and need at some points.

I’m not saying that I never want anyone to ever give me advice again, or that I want people to sink with me and to feed into negativity. But just someone being there is more than enough.

A lot of my issues cannot be fixed quickly, and it takes time for me to be able to get to a point where I’m able to start fixing even the smaller things. So what I’ve learnt recently is that by telling people including professionals that I feel like I’m not being heard, or misunderstood allows them to know that all I want is for them to hear me.

I really hope this post doesn’t offend anyone, because I really do from the bottom of my heart appreciate the support and love I get from everyone.

I just want people to know that they don’t have to always try and come up with solutions, that listening is so important and can be more helpful than you realise.